That's simple ^___^ Are we being pulled by the nose or not?.... that's what we all wanna know.

Tentokrat po slovensky, bo nema momentalne vyznam pisat toto po anglicky.... T__T

"Animatori su herci, ktori sa boja robit predstavenia, preto animuju a kreslia kreslene postavicky a podobne p*coviny" to nam viselo v skole na nastenke...momentalne to je velmi aktualne.....na mna. Kreslenie a postavicky pre mna nie su p*coviny, blba som ja, ktora nie je schopna zobrat to obrovske mnozstvo darov od Boha a mudro ich vyuzit a zveladit, aby som urobila cosi uzitocne pre seba asj pre tento prej=hinty ale tak krasny svet....Este stale krasny, prehnity, ale to, co ma ostat neposkodene, je este stale nedotknute. Kolko to vydrzi?

Uz som fakt na pokraji mojich momentalnych psychickych limitov. Uz neviem, kedy plakat a kedy sa smiat...jaksik sa mi to vlieva/ jedno cez druhe....druhe cez prve, ani len klavesy nestlacam poriadne.....[

Mojim velkym stastim k mojej nie moc stastnej povahe bol fakt, ze som mohla stretnut na svojej cweste uzasnych ludi.... tych, ktori mi podali ruku, ked som bola po kolena v hovne. Ini ruku podat nemuseli, stacilo, ked som ich pozorovala z dialky a vedela som, co treba robit, aby som sa znova postavila na nohy.

Urobila som strasnu chybu, presne to, co som nemala....
A tych veci bolo viac. Clovek by ani nepovedal, ze mozete porobit tolko hovadin za pat mesiacov...

Pokial si niekto mysli, ze moja skola je o kresleni a o kresleni a nicnerobeni, tak je vedla jak ta suseda. Zistila som, ze moja skola je o tom, ako sa v ies predrat, presadit, ako sa vies prezentovat s kusom A4ky, alebo projektom na dva roky..... Prisla som, aby som sa zmenila, sledujem ten ciel, ale akosi som trocha zbehla do jarku..... a teraz sa musim stverat hore.

Nepomaha mi v tom fakt, ze som bola nutena prepisovat moj namet 10x, pricom ostatni to mali hned naprvy alebo druhy pokus z krku.

Nepomohol mi fakt, ze to, co vychadzalo uprimne z mojho presvedcenia a vnutra, bolo oznacene ako p*covina, gyc a ktovieco este.... a navyse som urobila uspesne mojej prvej scenaristke povest "p*ce, ktora nevie pisat scenare a je sibnuta".... i ked musim uznat, ze jej verzia mojho nametu, bola skutocne i na moje pomery trochu prisladla......

Nepomohol mi fakt, ze sa stale stazujem na brigadu, ktora mi yaraba peniaze a ja som tak neschopna, ze neviem drzat hubu a robit,a by som konecne okusila, ake to je byt o krok vpred k zivotu, aky vedie seriozny dospely clovek v mojom veku.....

Nepomohol mi fakt, ze som uplne zradila moje vlastne presvedcenia, podviedla som samu seba, vzdala som sa po patmasacnom boji a do skoly nakoniec robim nieco, co v podstate ani nechcem, na druhej strane....som si to konecne oblubila....... a je mi povedane, ze to nie je take dobre.......ako tie predosle.

Nepomohol mi fakt, ze mi nikto jasne nepovedal, ze tie predosle verzie boli "dobre"....pretoze mi to nikto skutocne jasne nepovedal.

Nepomohli mi vzdychy kamaratok, ktore su sklamane a nechapu, ako som sa mohla nechat dobehnut inymi ludmi.....

Ani to, ze som emocne velmi nestabilny clovek, ktory bude asi potrebovat odbornu pomoc...... a to velmi rychlo.

A uz vobec nie to, ze som prave zistila, ze vlastne i keby som niekoho lubila, tak by som toho cloveka prenechala niekomu inemu len preto, ze ho ten druhy clovek lubi tiez ale nazaroven odomna to vie dat jasne najavo. Nastastie to bolo len zistenie..... ta situacia nie je celkom taka.....pretoze niektori ludia maju asi pocit, ze som odkazana na zlutovanie sa muzskeho plemena nad skaredym kacatkom, ake som ja.....

pretoze ten clovek, na ktoreho je posledny odstavec smerovany, je takisto natolko neschopny povedat nieco zrozumitelne a jasne, pretoze ja som uz natolko unavena z citania medzi riadkami, az sa mi chce grcat.
Mam pocit, ze ten clovek je proste len smutny zo samoty a ja ako jediny volny blizky objekt som mu nadosah..... Nechapem, ako by ma mohol niekto vobec tak lubit....ked ma vobec nepozna..... a navyse by som tomu cloveku dopriala pocitit skutocnu vdacnu lasku na cely zivot, nie zensku, akou som ja- nepokojnou a nevediacou, o com ona sama je.....
Ked vam niekto bude opakovat neustale dookola, ze vas velmi lubi, potom to zopakuje 5x inej a potom 3x dalsej...aby sa napokon vratil k vam a opytal sa, cui vas moze odprevadit domov, tak je jasne ako nasobilka, ze budete zmateni a zacnete pochybovat o tom, ci to moze vobec mysliet vazne.
Najhorsie na tom je, ze ja sama nemam jasnej definicie o tom, co citim a co nie..... Ci niekoho lubim, alebo nie.
Ake to vobec je?
smutne to je pre mna zatial, tot vse.....

Este nikdy som nepiala taketo omacky do zurnalu, ale ti ludia, ktori to maju vediet, to vediet budu.
Nikoho som tymto nechcela zdeprtat, znepokojit, alebo volaco ine....len som to proste potrebovala zo seba co najskor dostat, aby som mohla pokojne spat....
Pretoze jedna anjelica mi povedala, ze to nemam v sebe dusit..... a dokonca za mna oblak zaplakal, lebo ja sama nie som schopna.

A mala pravdu, doteraz som bola hlupa. Pokial chcem zit a prezit dalej, tak k sebe musim byt uprimnejsia a taktiez, ked uz ma nema kto ochranit, tak musim stat za svojim. Som jedine, co mam, ako sa hovori..... Viem sa o seba postarat,ale este som o tom nevedela.Ako kazdy clovek. Kazde decko.... Je to uplne prirodzene a samozrejme, lebo vcsetci chceme byt stastni. Len nas odlisuju uhly pohladu a perspektivy, tuzby, priania.

I za tymto vsetkym chcem ostat pri viere v dobre veci.....v to, ze aj cerv, ako ja nieco dokaze, mozno nie zatocit svetom, ale aspon zatriast srdcom niekoho ineho, aby sa to sirilo ako retazova reakcia dalej.....
DO RITI, PRESTANTE SA SAMI PRESVIEDCAT< ZE VAM STACI SEBECKOST SVETA..... UZ MAM POKRK SEBECKOSTI, UZ MAM POKRK LUDI< KTORI SA POZERAJU CEZ ZATVORENE OCI. VRATANE TOHO<AKO HLUPO SA VIEM CHOVAT JA......

Preco by cosi nezneho a dobreho malo byt gycom?

A preco by mal byt zivot len lahky? na to je tu gravitacia, aby sme sa pri vstavani museli namahat. Tak to ma byt, tak to bude, ale gravitacia nam aj napriek tomu vzdy umozni postavit sa. A chodit po zemi, pretoze kym sme zivi, nesmieme mat hlavu vzdy len v oblakoch.
Nechcem byt sputana retazou, ale musim sa naucit chodit.

Pokial to niekto bol schopny precitat potialto....tak ho velmi lubim a balhozelam mu.


Nabuduce napisam nieco krajsie a veselsie.... Dufam, ze to bude o tom, ako snezi^____^


Milujem kopu ludi a veci, dokonca i cosi, co prekracuje nase svety a hranice,
Len si to musim pestovat a opatrovat.
Lebo to nie je zadarmo a ani same od seba.

Yesterday I fell asleep after comming home in a pond of saliva...
Damn..I felt so bad and weak.

In the last months I feel like I have so much to do but I somehow can't fully reach the things I need to.

I am terribly sorry that I neglect my friends, I am trerribly sorry that I act like a spoiled pubertal brat towards my parents whenever they try to speak to me... And I am terribly sorry that I don't dedicate my self to school more.... Although I did it from the start of this year...but then again I felt discouraged by all the problems crossing my road to the bachelor's movie project.
I had an idea from the start, I worked on the artwork and plot...but somehow it never felt so right. People kept comming and counting all the flaws of it. I the end I felt those flaws were too much to count and at that point I felt like someone punched me in the middle of my face.

Luckilly, my mother went up with another version...and together with a schoolmate we managed to finish the main plotline of the new story.
I really hope i can start working on the movie ASAP although I know it'll be the period again where I won't have time for anything else. I am a bit scared of it...yet I am looking forward to it.

Also, the part-time job is taking loads of time and strength...

But then again. it feels good when you know you are doing something meaningfull and earn money for it. I've never had a job like this.... I was too scared.
Maybe a lil' sign that I changed?
I hope so...
I hope I changed for the better....that is.

There are things on this earth that give you so much strength. Almost inhuman strength. Ture strength.
And then there's your doubting mind and doubting people around you who robb you off of this strength.
One of the most scary things I ever experienced.

Ohkay, I have to go now...do some meaningfull things....

I am glad I was able to write a journal again ^_________^

KIMOCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Heh, people are just so full of themselves that they just can't believe something even BIGGER than them would exist. But we sure do have a soul and that soul can't just dissappear so simply, ne?
Like when you feel someone's "energy" while holding something that the person was having before... a lover's shirt, or maybe a simple cup of your grandma', ...or even the energy of the person that was sitting on your  *still warm* seat...
I also have encountered many strange things, I have felt something really different at some curious moments *and I was completely sober*.

Ghosts are some kind of a warning that we should live a useful life so when the time comes we don't have to be ashamed or afraid to leave.

Well....since I never wrote anything here on LJ....
and since I FINALLY remembered my username and password *yeah, right,...I've forgotten them*
It's so easy to act stupid XD when you are slow- paced like Tohru Honda from Furuba XD *loves Tohru*
I wanted to write something nice ^____^=

And somehow I failed, he? XD

So, glad to be here. Hopefully.

Hello, internet world! *wink*
But I can say- I like the real world a lot better- I hope it likes me also better than the internet.

peace^3^